How and why I got sober
In the past 7 years I've lived a pretty healthy life. I’d been practicing yoga, meditating, eating healthy food, educating myself in personal growth modalities, and more. I even became a yoga teacher and Ayurvedic practitioner. Even though I’ve been more healthy than I ever had- I still had indulgences of drinking at gatherings, finishing off a random bottle of wine, and having 3-5 hangovers a year.
In the past 15 years though I’ve done a slew of bad things influenced under alcohol- Car accidents, sexual misconduct, saying things I don’t mean… etc...
But it wasn't until I had enough of witnessing my patterns. Witnessing myself repeating something that I thought was long gone. I thought I had gotten over it- when this pattern happened again and came out of nowhere- 2 years ago. I knew that there was deeper work to do.
I had cheated on my partner and I hadn't done that for years. In fact my last relationship of 6 years I was completely loyal. I really thought that I would never cheat again.
Until 2019 when it happened, under the influence of alcohol. After, I went into a dark and depressional stage of my life. I abandoned my partner and hid from what I had done. I attempted a new relationship that didn't make sense. My darkness was revealing itself once again, showing me that there's more to understand.
After that year of shame, guilt, deep confusion, and suicidal thoughts… I was ready for a transformation.
I got an unexpected call from a Recovery Center asking for me to teach an Ayurvedic cooking class during the pandemic because one of the employees got sick.
I took the opportunity in a blink of an eye. A long time ago I had always thought it would be cool to work in a Recovery Center and out of nowhere it happened like magic.
Once I started working at the center they noticed how multi-talented I am and they allowed me to begin teaching yoga, massage, health consultations, and teaching the organic gardening class. Now that I was spending more time there and learning a little bit about recovery and how our traumas are connected to our addictions...
I became very interested in the psychology of recovery. There were a few times I had come to work from drinking the night before and feeling as if you could smell it on me and not In alignment with these healing women. Another sign that I needed to make a change.
I went on a month-long road trip and read three different books on recovery; Recovery 2.0 by Tommy Rosen, Freedom from our Addictions by Russell Brand, and Refuge Recovery by Noah Levine. I read all about the 12 steps and was truly convinced that this was something that I HAD to go through. The reason patterns keep showing up is because there's just something inside of you that you haven't healed yet. I felt that the 12 Steps could lead me into really understanding my patterns in my life and how to appropriately make amends and forgive myself so I could walk the path as a new woman.
After I came back from the road trip I knew that I needed to find a sponsor but I wasn't really into going to AA, as I knew that they wouldn't be okay with me using psychedelics. Plant medicine such as Ayahuasca, mushrooms, and 5 Meo DMT have been huge healing agents in my life that reduced my addictive tendencies greatly.
I began to do some research and found a group of addiction recovery specialists and psychedelic integration coaches called Being True To You. I wanted to find a place where I could go through the 12 steps and also feel comfortable to talk about my psychedelic experiences and allow myself to withdraw from alcohol permanently and use these plant medicines to help me with the 12-steps.
Since August 28th, 2020 I have been sober from alcohol. I’ve incorporated therapeutic sessions of microdosing psilocybin, an Ayahuasca experience, and a 5 Meo DMT experience. Since, I've been working the 12 steps and having a coach to guide me and talk with, I haven't even thought twice about having a drink.
I had always been sober curious but I never thought about when I would actually do it. There were faint whispers that I wasn’t sure would come to the surface but oh boy did the opportunity arise.
Hurting others from my selfish actions is one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through and I can’t do it again. I won’t- and if that means I'm sober for the rest of my life then I’ll take it!
I’m writing this today to let you know that your story- its unique. It’s beautiful- it’s not identical to anyone else- it's YOU.
You get to be humbled many times in your life by your misfortunes, mistakes, failures, and losses. Honor the darkness- bow to its deep gloomful essence. For without that darkness- you will not enter into the light.
Thank You universe for my path. Thank you to my coach Annette at Being True To You, myself, and plant medicine!